shhhhh..

(I went to church today.... for myself and no one else.)

(alone)

nudity

so last night I exceeded my two drink maximum and took off my pants at a party. This is not a new thing, it happens. It's not a big deal to me, especially if I know people and feel like it's not going to be a big drama. Naked is fun. I still had my underwear on (!) so I felt like I was pretty under control.

Two women sidled up on either side of me and bodily lifted me up and took me outside. Seriously? That's how this is going to go? wow.

So they thought I was going to embarrass myself or them or seduce their husbands or some jackassery. I don't actually know. I had three drinks in 3-4 hours. I was not drunk. I was happy, and wanted to be naked. I kind of want to be naked all the time but when it's hot out and I'm happy I really really really want to be naked.

The two ladies went home and I went on my merry mostly naked way. I think I'm going to turn it into some sort of social experiment - see who is uncomfortable, who is happy, who feels guilt... blah blah blah. Interesting to look at people look at you and look at their shoes.

Anyway, I'm 42. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I can suffer my own consequences and I'm ok with that. I have parents already that I don't listen to (thankfully). Don't police me or my underwear. thanks.

so, here's the thing

I'm dating three guys at once.

I feel like a dude.

It's interesting to spend the day with someone, make out and then go home and change outfits and go out with someone else.

Lather rinse repeat.

Went to a BBQ on the 4th of July with one guy. Got a little frisky. In the middle of this I realized that I had food poisoning (and RAN home). ew. Fall asleep on bathroom floor. Guy number two calls. I tell him I'm not well and so he COMES OVER to take care of me! brings me crackers, 7up and pets my head. For 4 hours.

I like them both. Bring on number 3! I'm going to visit him this weekend in LA. I feel a combination of 5th grade giddiness and ... stress....

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING???? is this wrong? isn't this what men do all the time? why do I not feel guilty? I think I should probably feel guilty. I think I should probably not let any of them see me naked until I make a choice. oops. It would be easier if they all weren't so very, very nice and cool and sweet and lovely. and HOT. I mean SUPER HOT. each of them are great looking, edgy and sweet. they all seem to want to take care of me (which I'm completely not used to - I'm always the care giver).

I am freaking out.

wtf, o..